i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
