I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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