i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
