I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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