I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
