just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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