he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
