You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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