margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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