the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
