I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
