no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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