You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
