i think i have herpe
just one?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
