Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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