I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
