my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize