Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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