There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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