It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
