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Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
