My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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