she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you win again, gameday.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
