ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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