i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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