So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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