just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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