She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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