my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
