1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize