I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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