In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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