We're like a lot better than the average bears
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
