No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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