y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
