Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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