Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize