I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
