so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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