We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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