Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
