I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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