before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
