I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
