you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
