I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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