K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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