The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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