party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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