After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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