That's when you crack a 10am beer
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My liver just had a heart attack.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
