Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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