he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
