I'm going to jail i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
