i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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