onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
