Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
