Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
