you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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