Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
