duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
