My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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