Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
