I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
