I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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