it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
