so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
