So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
