Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
