yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bring money and cleavage
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
