That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
