I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
