Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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