i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
