Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Michael Bay diarrhea
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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