I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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