what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
