I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
