My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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