mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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