dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize