It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
