well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
