It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
