I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
