Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize