I can tuck mytits in my pants
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
