I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
