Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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