I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
