dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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