she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
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I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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