well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
