I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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