No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
